And let us not be weary in well doing:
for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
I thought I'd take a moment to put into words the prayer that has been coming from my heart to the Lord. Some may think this silly, but I have been crying out to the Lord for direction with regards to this blog. The Lord put this on my heart many years ago, but to be honest, I have become weary. All these thoughts go through my head. On the one hand, I want to make a difference in someone's life. On the other hand, I don't know that I am. There will always be mockers of God's Word, but verbal attacks hurt. Is it worth it? Then my husband says, "well, people don't always like what I say but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop preaching God's Word!" I question whether this is the venue that the Lord would have me to minister in and then I think that it's the only one He's clearly opened.
I get letters on occasion from people I know in "real life" who tell me they read this blog and are encouraged. You do not know what that means to me! That is the point! Then there's the other side, where those that look for something they can sink their teeth into, see me as the human that I am and want to use that against me. I.am.human. I am a sinner saved by the blessed grace of God. I am not always right but God's Word is.
What is the answer? I don't know. I miss blogging. The Lord reveals things to me through His Word and I just feel like bursting for want of sharing them. Then there is that part of me that doesn't want to put it out there because observation has taught me that many profession Christians do not really believe the Bible. They believe the parts they like; the parts that suit their lifestyle. I have found that the more time I spend in God's Word, the more I see what a wretched person I really am. The closer I get to God, the dirtier I feel in knowing that the God of heaven loves such a one as I. My mind cannot fully comprehend that. How precious is God's love!
I have been rolling Titus 2:3-5 around in my mind today:
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
People either love or hate that passage. Those that hate it usually feel that way because the Bible clearly instructs ladies to be keepers at home and that cramps their lifestyle. But they are missing the point. God doesn't give us those verses to be grievous to us. The reason He gives them is because by not living a life that is pleasing to God, in the site of a lost world, we are blaspheming the Word of God! That word blaspheme means to revile. We can revile God's precious written word by our lifestyles. And those verses go far beyond those three little words that people don't like. What about being good? chaste? discreet? Oh! There is so much we (I) have to learn!
God has given me a passion to share with others how to be that godly woman that the Lord desires. It is something He has burned deeply within my heart to share. And it is not because I've arrived, for I have not. This is the only outlet at the moment that God has given me.
So, you might think that I have my answer :) No, I do not. There is something about that weariness that I cannot overcome right now. There is something lingering in those hate filled comments received several weeks ago that won't go away. Yes, it's probably just hurt. Those that made them were (I thought) my friends. So, I will continue to pray. Continue to ask the Lord to guide, to direct, to give peace. And until then, I'll return to His Word, soaking up all that He has for me there.
© Adorning Grace 2010