I haven't updated about my first ultrasound on Monday. I didn't forget - I'm avoiding it. I've been teetering somewhere between fear and faith. It's quite a tightrope walk. We did see something in there on Monday - one something. The tech was able to clearly see a gestational sac and a yolk sac but no fetal pole or heartbeat.
They say it's normal for this early on. They say I am just not as far along as I think. They tell me not to worry about it; things are fine.
I know that with the twins, I was several days earlier along and saw both their heartbeats. I know it would be impossible for me to not be as far along as I think I am. And I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I can't comprehend why the Lord would give us such a miracle only to take it away and yet I also know that His ways are sovereign. I trust Him with my future and with this baby's future. Yet there are moments when I am completely overwhelmed by my own fear.
We have another scan a week from tomorrow. I don't know if I'm dreading it or I can't wait....still on that tightrope!
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
©2010 Adorning Grace
© Adorning Grace 2011