Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Monster in my Sidebar

As an newly pregnant, obsessed mother-to-be would do, I put a baby ticker on my side-bar. I'm sure you've noticed it; how could you not? What on earth is up with that little alien looking thing? Is it me, or does it perpetually look like it's sticking it's tongue out? It's starting to freak me out! lol Surely I'm not gestating a monster, right? This isn't a sign of things to come, is it? Let's hope not :)

I haven't updated about my first ultrasound on Monday. I didn't forget - I'm avoiding it. I've been teetering somewhere between fear and faith. It's quite a tightrope walk. We did see something in there on Monday - one something. The tech was able to clearly see a gestational sac and a yolk sac but no fetal pole or heartbeat. 

They say it's normal for this early on. They say I am just not as far along as I think. They tell me not to worry about it; things are fine.

I know that with the twins, I was several days earlier along and saw both their heartbeats. I know it would be impossible for me to not be as far along as I think I am. And I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I can't comprehend why the Lord would give us such a miracle only to take it away and yet I also know that His ways are sovereign. I trust Him with my future and with this baby's future. Yet there are moments when I am completely overwhelmed by my own fear. 

We have another scan a week from tomorrow. I don't know if I'm dreading it or I can't wait....still on that tightrope!

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalms 27:1 

 ©2010 Adorning Grace

© Adorning Grace 2011

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